I'm not sure if I'm doing anything right anymore. My husband left 9 months ago and since then I have let him see the kids on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays. On Mondays and Saturdays he stays at our marital residence with the kids and sleeps over. On Wednesdays he picks up our 1 year old and goes to his mother's for dinner, leaving our 7 year old home since she goes to bed at 7:30 PM on school days. This Wednesday our son was sick so my husband asked if he can still see the baby and I said he couldn't take him to his mothers and he agreed and asked if he could come to our house and I said yes. With that at about 7:05PM my husband called and said he just got to his mothers and will come over after they eat. I told him NO because the kids were going to bed soon. He got pissed at me and I hung up the phone. At 8:55PM he called me again and said he was leaving his mothers and wanted to know if I needed anything before he came by. I told him there was no reason for him to come because the kids were sleeping. Then he said it was me who was keeping the kids from seeing him. Did I do anything wrong here? On top of that, this weekend he decided that he is going to visit his father so he will not be around to see the kids on Saturday. He asked if he can see them on Sunday instead and I told him NO that we already had plans and I wasn't rearranging my schedule because of him. Again, he says I'm keeping kids from him? I tried to explain, nicely, that he could of came over Wednesday, but he choose to go to his mothers, and if he would of told me last week he was going to his fathers maybe we wouldn't have made plans on Sunday and we could of switched, but he cannot keep doing as he pleases, when he pleases. When I ask him to see kids on a Friday night so I can go to my prayer meetings, he says he can't cause that is the night he goes out with his friends. Now I feel bad.

Dear Friend.... i am sensing the beginning of spiritual warfare... Meaning it seems obvious that your husband is fighting for control. And unfortunately he is using his children as his ground.

Just a word of caution.... this may end up in court battling for custody.

I just really hope that you can have good counsel there through your church and through a godly lawyer.

I am not really sure, but the reason your children are acting up is because they are receiving inconsistent messages from their father. Seeing their father at this point may be doing more harm than good. But i would consult a godly couselor who can evaluate the situation better from where you are.

If you said to your husband: Would you be willing to take full custody of the children? What would his response be?

If there was a time to pray fervently, this is it now. You are entering a spiritual battle.

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I am not sure about what your Second Thoughts are?? Sound to me that you are possibly thinking of limiting or not letting your husband see your children. You would then stir up Problems. I agree with Land-of-Fire advice. You need to have visitation spelled out. I Pray that God will give you Peace in the situation. God Bless you for your post. ODIE

I Dont Think That U Need To Freak Out Yet, The Other Advice Was Scaring Me I Only Can Imagine How U Feel. Put This Situation In Gods Hands, I Dont Feel That Keeping Your Kids Away From There Father Is Going To Help Them Believe Me I Know From Experience My Parents Seperated When I Was 12. Your Children Need Both Of You! Put This In Gods Hands And Pray. You Are There Mother Those Are Your Children I Wll Pray For U! Talk With Your X Husband Tell Him How U Feel Be Open To Him And Hear His Needs Also.

Thanks for all advice. Luckily for me, I am a paralegal for over 12 years and know about all the legal "rights and wrongs". Chris has indeed said if I wanted him to have custody, he would in a second, but he knows I would NEVER give up my custody and he would'nt fight me on it. One thing about this is Chris doesn't even want to file any papers, divorce, custody, etc.....he wants things to stay "as is"

My second thoughts..... it was just giving in to him, yet again! I always end up feeling bad, then I allow him to see them, and I guess that is why he expects he can see kids when ever he wishes. But who is right? No, I don't want to hold my kids from seeing their father, but what right does he have to come and go according to his schedule? See Chris has ALWAYS done this, he chooses being with his family first, then his kids. I'm not really sure if I'm explaining it correctly, because after reading this back it is not sounding the way it should?

Thanks again. God Bless

Dear Hope, there are sooo many things i want to say. And they are all my opinions only. I have to let you know that this situation grieves me. Why? Because it feels as perversion to me. Perverting the sanctity of marriage. I dislike the fact that Chris is not making any decision over the matter.

Dear Hope, but in the end the truth is that this situation is very complex.... i want to urge you to have godly counsel. And several at that.

In regards to your question of who is right.... the question is what is the Lord telling you? If anything. I have found it that sometimes what i feel (even the good intentions) is sometimes quite contrary to His will. And it can happen that sometimes my feelings are so strong that i am unable to hear His voice within. This is why prayer/fasting/reading scriptures and IMPARTIAL GODLY counsel are so important.

Let us just remember Sarah and Haggar in Abraham's life. Sarah's plan to "help" Abraham ultimately ended in kicking out Haggar and Ishamael a young lad into the desert with barely anything, and if it weren't for God's intervention they would have died of thirst and the heat i am sure.

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Since there are always two sides to every story and your husband is not here to voice his side of things. It's difficult to say. My Aunt and Unlce divorced many years ago and he was allowed to see the kids whenever he wanted. He also remained our Uncle and was therefore always invited and attended family functions. Their children are grown today with children of their own and he is still Dad and Grandpa, and our Uncle. And he is very much a part of his children and grandchrildren's lives. The only truth I know is that you can't change your husband anymore than he can change you. Only you can change you. And only he can change him. You can pray for him and invite him to pray with you and even pray with you and your children together. Until you do - things might only go from bad to worse. If your husband says he doesn't want to pray with you for the children and for GOD's guidance. Then you can keep praying, in patience, for your husband -knowing that GOD changes hearts.

Righteous Father, we ask that you bring this mother and father together before your throne of grace, may they both humble themselves together before You in prayers and supplications for this situation and every situation they will encounter. Please don't let either parent exclude the other parent from these children who belong to both of them, and who need both of them. Convince them of Your wsdom and desire for both father and mother to humble themselves in Your presence together in prayer seeking Your wise Counsel. Protect these children from the unresolved emotional issues which trouble this mother and father, dear LORD. Thank you LORD Jesus, Amen and Amen