For Successful Marriages

ZephThree17 · #1 (**permalink**) 06-09-2008, 07:21 AM

Mature Christian marriage combines: Eros, desire, sexual attraction. Philia, genuine friendship, unity of interests and purpose. Agape, deeply covenanted, committed devotion. Married love is a very precious and precarious balance of all three.
Romantic or eros love is a wonderful help in getting a marriage started. It is like the rocket that puts the space capsule into orbit and then drops away. It takes other forms of power to continue that space capsule in its successful flight toward its goal. It takes a putting away of childishly imbalanced concepts of love to have a successful marriage.

"I understood as a child, when I was a child." A great problem in marriage is communication. "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I communicated on a childish level, but now that I have grown up, I am communicating on a mature level." Simply defined: "So that we no longer be children, tossed to and fro....Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way" (Ephesians 4:14-15)

"Speaking the truth in love" is mature Christian communication. A great cause of unhappiness in marriage is the inability of spouses to communicate openly and lovingly with one another. All too often marital communication is still on a childish level.

How do children communicate? Some children speak the truth all right, but they are cruel, sharp, and hurtful. "Sticks and stones can hurt my bones, but names will never hurt me." Not true. The names can hurt even the bones, and badly. Children are very cruel at times; they may speak the truth, but not in love.
Then there are children who cannot speak the truth. It's not that they lie - Rather, they are too afraid of their feelings to express them. Maybe every time they did express their feelings, they were not allowed to continue. Or perhaps they have never seen or heard a true expression of feelings from the people they live with. They may be loving children, but they can't speak the truth.

"Speaking the truth in love" is the secret. That is what makes a strong and mature Christian marriage. But speaking this way is a learned art. Maybe I should say it's an unlearned art, because often we first have to unlearn things that our homes and life experiences and our sick culture have taught us. We have to katargeo them. Sometimes in agony and sweat and tears and maybe a little blood, we have to put them off and change our whole way of communicating.

Some people need to unlearn the childish unrealities they may have been taught. They may need to learn that in the Christian life there is such a thing as constructive conflict, which is the grown-up way to deal with disagreements. For some people keep conflict on a childish, hurtful level. They clam up in silence, thinking they are being patient, good Christians - Or they walk away from any disagreement because they have been taught this is spiritual. The basic problem is they never learned to communicate like Christians! Much of what passes for "submission" is really a lack of caring enough to confront one another. Conflict is always the price of deepening intimacy between persons and can only be resolved by proper communication. Bad communication comes either from not speaking the truth or from not speaking in love. Either you do a slow burn until you are so filled with anger and resentment that all of a sudden it comes out in hurtful torrents. Or you fake your true feelings and hurt comes out in other ways.

"When I grew up, I put away childish ways of communicating; I learned to speak the truth in love." That will mean confrontation, and conflict which is ultimately creative and helpful. It will result in resolving the conflict and thus deepening your love.
Christians with conflicts? Yes, GOD's people who are to be creative and mature. No longer are they to be children tossed about by feelings and circumstances, but adults who speak the truth in love, as they grow up in every way.

Mature Christian love in a good marriage is the result of commitment and work. For you see, the most childish, the most immature misunderstanding of all about marriage is simply this: That love is self-sustaining and that a good marriage comes about automatically because two fine, committed young Christians marry one another. If you will get rid of that unbiblical notion, then you will make progress. Marriage is hard work, but you can greatly enjoy it. And you will find that the work is worth it, because the one thing you are going to be doing a million years from now is loving. So you'd better get in the practice now. And marriage is one of the best preparations for heaven that I know about.

Righteous Father, we pray for all those asking for prayer about their marriages. Give them grace in every situation to work toward successful marriages. With all lowliness and meekness resulting with endurance to work on communication with one another; thus putting away childish things, and growing up in every way, learning to speak the truth in love to one another.

Because they have one Father and One Spirit, LORD, there should never be division leading to divorce among Your people. Reunite every couple here asking for reconciliation in their marriages - these who are seperated, perfect them in unity, in the bond of marriage, with love, and honor, blessings overflowing, all to Your great glory, LORD, we pray in Yeshua's name. Alleluia!
Amen and Amen

Angel777 · #2 (**permalink**) 07-11-2008, 11:36 PM

Father I pray for a marriage to bless me. I pray for a man like a Boaz to comfort me and protect to be my companion, my love and my help mate. I pray you bless me this year with a husband Lord Jesus.

AMEN