I was wondering what everyone's thoughts were on the common phrase I will forgive you, but I will never forget what you did. Is it really forgiveness than if you say you forgive someone, but your not willing to let the past go? I am personally struggling with this issue. I really want to forgive people in my life that have really harmed me, but I find that my mind will not forget what has happened. Also do you believe that you can forgive someone who has no remorse for what they've done? This to i'm finding quite difficult. Any thoughts?

This is a hard question in a way, because yes, people can forgive, but it is also not easy to forget. Those event's cannot be erased, but when you forgive someone, I believe that the past should be put behind, in order for a new beginning to occur. I am sorry to hear you are going through something like this, and I know you are probably confused, on different levels, as I have been. Once you forgive, you move on, and don't bring up the past, even if you do remember it...that is what I believe, and that's the only way to move on and have a happy life. This is just my opinion, but I hope you can overcome what is going on in your life right now, and if you feel like speaking more of what exactly has happened, let me know, and we can talk and exchange advice. I am here for you, and I do not judge.

God Bless-

-Jess

Thank you Jess, I am realy glad to have someone to talk to. I agree with what you are saying and am personally trying to forgive, but my mind just won't stop relieving what has happened to me. I do not have guilt, just sadness. It is sad to say but not having these hardships in my life has allowed me to reflect on the person I was became and am now trying to become. I hope this makes since. i would love to talk privatley and feel free to email me personally. have a great day!

Thats like ask God for something in your life and putting a conditional "But" in your Prayer. Prayers are unconditional requests. God forgets our past and we need to do likewise. I am Praying with you in your struggle in this. It easier said than done. God needs to set you free from those hurts and erase them from your mind. I am feeling the pain your are having. God allows us sometime to suffer in order to strengthen us. As our faith is tested we gain strength in it. Gods Bless to you. ODIE

Odiear, great point! I too find myself at times struggling with this issue. You set it straight for me and I thank you for that. Ambie, I think Jess and Odiear have fabulous advice. It is easier said than done but if you ask the Lord for guidance through these times he will come through for you. He has already forgiven and forgotten and who are we to not do the same. I will keep you in my prayers!

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MMAAA

The best definition of forgiveness I have ever heard is: "...no longer thinking about whatever it is you feel needs to be forgiven." I think there is a common misconception that forgiveness is the same as a "pardon," or a "get out of jail free card," or perhaps the "indulgences" that "the church" once sold to anyone with the money to buy one, that you can just hand someone. Forgiveness is inside you; and, even though it may help someone else find the same feeling in their own heart, you can't give it to another. Forgiving is something you have to do for yourself -- inside yourself; no one else can do it for you. It is much easier to simply occupy yourself with more positive thoughts and activities than it is to "not think about" something. You can't really tell yourself to not think about something without making yourself think about it; and what you think about has everything to do with your experience.

Forgiving and forgetting are really the same thing: When you don't remember something you want to remember, but have misplaced somewhere in your mind, we call that "forgetting;" but when you intentionally and consciously choose to not remember something you don't want to remember -- whether to be a "good guy," or to protect your health from the problems holding onto old junk will definitely bring you, or out of pure, unconditional love, compassion, or understanding -- that is forgiving. And the only way to do it is think new thoughts -- not holding on to old ones. We choose our thoughts; we don't choose what they do to us and our physiology and life. Holding onto old hurts is like being in a sleeping bag with a poisonous snake; something bad is probably going to happen -- maybe suddenly, or maybe after some time has passed. If a person tells you they forgive you, but they won't forget what you have done, you should pray for them; they aren't hurting you by carrying around painful memories -- and they haven't truly forgiven (let go of) those thoughts.

Hi everyone,
I really appreciate all of your thoughts. They have really helped me to really sit down and think about what has happened to me in my past and where I want to go in my future. What I have learned from all of you is that in order to me to move forward and leave my hurtful thoughts in the past is to forgive and forget. All of you are wonderful individuals and I truly appreciate every post I recieved. Thank you.

You are a wonderful individual; otherwise, wonderful individuals would be "invisible" to you -- it takes one to know one, in other words! The future is always where you are headed; use your thoughts and faith to prepare your way. If your body was a car that your spirit was driving through this life, you would want to look out the windshield -- into the future -- as you make your way down the road of life. Just like driving a real car, if you look out the rear window while moving forward, you're probably going to crash... Bless you in all ways!

To learn forgiveness to to free the soul. Not to say that it is an easy task at times, depending on the offense, but asking God to take control of your mind and redirect your thoughts is a start to finding the true grace to forget as well as forgive...

Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Luke 6:37

Dear Ambie,
Most of us feel much better when we read the story of the Prodigal Son when the son says to his forgiving father, "I am not worthy." Just imagine if the son came swaggering home and instead said to his father: "I've decided to do everybody a favor by coming back to my old place in the family circle." We wouldn't have it! We want the original script - "I don't deserve even to be a hired hand."

The art of getting back into right relationship with someone after we have done them dirt is knowing we don't belong there. We must know we are not worthy. If we are the ones who hurt someone we should repent; repentance is the only honest entree to forgiveness.

And if we are the one who has been hurt, GOD takes the tough line, it seems, from what we read in the Bible.

When our LORD Jesus sent His disciples to tell the world that God forgives, he also told people to repent. Peter also said "Repent so that your sins can be forgiven."

So should we waste our forgiveness on someone who does not want it? Or admit he needs it? Pearls before swine? Pardon for the unrepentant?

For one thing, time does not let people stay near us forever. They may die before they have gotten around to repenting. And second, there is a matter of letting others take responsibility for themselves. We cannot make them repent; we cannot pull them back to us like a dog on a leash. Let them be responsible for staying away from us.
But why should we let them keep us from healing ourselves? So we need to forgive the unrepentant for own sake. We need to forgive people who do not care if only so that we do not drown in our own misery. Let the other guy take care of himself.

The climax of forgiveness takes two - I know. But you can have the reality of forgiving without its climax. You do not always need a thing whole to enjoy it all. A blosom has real beauty even if it never becomes a flower. Forgiving is real even if it stops at the healing of the forgiver.
Should you sentance yourself to taking on a root of bitterness simply because the person you need to forgive does not want your forgiveness?
Back to fundamentals! Forgiving is a process. One stage is the healing of the forgiver's memory. If the people you forgive want to stay where they are, let them. You can make a solo flight to freedom!

GOD bless you Ambie,
Zephania