The long story behind it all...

heater008 · #1 (**permalink**) 06-05-2008, 12:07 AM

i am in a bit of a sad situation with my wife, ora. we've been married just over 5 years. God has blessed us with 3 amazing daughters. Soon after getting married, ora became pregnant with our oldest daughter. Not long after giving birth, she suffered a good bout of postpartum depression. That, coupled with her father passing away sent her into a downward spiral of anxiety and depression. At this point i was working a PhD and with ora not working, finances were tight to say the least. I freely admit that i did not understand what was going on with my wifes emotional condition. I certainly didn't act like a good husband should act in this situation, regarding sensitivity. i was taking things way too personally and this eventually spiralled out of control to the point where my wife felt abandoned. Unfortunately, this was a common theme thoughout her childhood, so this was a major stab in the back. I have asked and received forgiveness for my actions from the Lord and i thank him for his grace. About 2 years ago, i found out my wife was having an emotional affair with a good friend of mine. Needless to say, i don't speak to him anymore. Everything short of physical contact was part of this affair. Since i have found out i have been able to forgive both of them. For the last few months, i have been at the point where i want to seriously rebuild my marriage, but my wife is unable to forgive me for my past behavior. we just began counseling and i have been praying for the Lord to work on her heart. I know that our marriage is supposed to be and that we were brought together by God. The Lord has told me to be patient and that he is working on her. I need some agreement in prayer from those of you out there. Where 2 or 3 are gathered together, there He is in our midst. I need some agreement from my fellow believers and some encouragement. At times the situation seems hopless because she constantly holds on to this. i need my wife back. i love her dearly. i know life can be great again, if we could only get past this obstacle. Thank you all for listening. God Bless!

christain737 · #2 (**permalink**) 06-05-2008, 07:33 PM

heater008,
I will come back to you tomorrow. I just read your post and my computer time is exhausted. I have to go. I will be praying tonight, but will be back tomorrow, Brother. GOD bless. See you tomorrow.

christain737 · #3 (**permalink**) 06-14-2008, 01:18 PM

Father, in Jesus name, I petition You, Holy Spirit, to allow Your perfect will to be done for this marriage and the third person involved. Replace hearts of stone (unforgiveness and unrelenting hearts) with hearts of flesh (forgiving and relenting to godly love and lifestyles). Open up their eyes to see You, Father, and not themselves because You said, "Seek ye first the kingdom of GOD and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you." Speaking from experience from long ago, I truely understand how it feels in my own flesh (without GOD) not to want to forgive someone who you thought the world of. I hid myself from the world and isolated myself with GOD. I prayed to Him to help me to forgive because I could not do it on my own. It is a monumental issue to overcome most especially when it involves a person who used or betrayed you knowing all along exactly what they were doing. The thing is, Friend, if they do not know Christ, they genuinely do not know better. One can know the Word forward and backward and memorize like a photogragh, but if they don't dispaly godly love or character (a personal) relationship with GOD, Himself, it doesn't manifest in their lives. Father, in Jesus name, Holy Spirit open up blind eyes and guide, lead, mature, and teach all involved in the way that they should follow. Lead them to the narrow road so they all may be found worthy of eternal PEACE with You. Let Your perfect will be manifested in each life and grant them saving and revelation knowledge to find and know You, Father. I ask all for Your glory and honour. Amen.

christain737 · #4 (**permalink**) 06-14-2008, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by heater008

i am in a bit of a sad situation with my wife, ora. we've been married just over 5 years. God has blessed us with 3 amazing daughters. Soon after getting married, ora became pregnant with our oldest daughter. Not long after giving birth, she suffered a good bout of postpartum depression. That, coupled with her father passing away sent her into a downward spiral of anxiety and depression. At this point i was working a PhD and with ora not working, finances were tight to say the least. I freely admit that i did not understand what was going on with my wifes emotional condition. I certainly didn't act like a good husband should act in this situation, regarding sensitivity. i was taking things way too personally and this eventually spiralled out of control to the point where my wife felt abandoned. Unfortunately, this was a common theme thoughout her childhood, so this was a major stab in the back. I have asked and received forgiveness for my actions from the Lord and i thank him for his grace. About 2 years ago, i found out my wife was having an emotional affair with a good friend of mine. Needless to say, i don't speak to him anymore. Everything short of physical contact was part of this affair. Since i have found out i have been able to forgive both of them. For the last few months, i have been at the point where i want to seriously rebuild my marriage, but my wife is unable to forgive me for my past behavior. we just began counseling and i have been praying for the Lord to work on her heart. I know that our marriage is supposed to be and that we were brought together by God. The Lord has told me to be patient and that he is working on her. I need some agreement in prayer from those of you out there. Where 2 or 3 are gathered together, there He is in our midst. I need some agreement from my fellow believers and some encouragement. At times the situation seems hopless because she constantly holds on to this. i need my wife back. i love her dearly. i know life can be great again, if we could only get past this obstacle. Thank you all for listening. God Bless!

All of us are forgiven when we "genuinely" confess and repent from our sins before our GOD. He is faithful and just to forgive, but He can also discern the true motives and intentions in our hearts. Personally speaking, from my own experience to forgive what almost killed me, I believe we must diligently, faithfully, consistently, and fervently bow before GOD to give us the "gift" to forgive...I believe it is one of the major things that separates us from GOD no matter how unhumane or unspeakable the offense was. So many offenses are veiled in secrecy and the first step to release it's power over you is to tell the secret to someone GOD has revealed to you to tell or to tell someone you know beyond all doubt will keep it confidential. The more secrets that lie between a close and personal relationship with anybody, the deeper and wider the rift becomes in that relationship. It is wise to confess and repent to GOD, but one should stop the breach in the relationship by being truthful, transparent, and seeking GOD together fo resolution and restoration of that relationship. GOD must be included because GOD IS LOVE and LOVE (godly) never fails. ALL can and will be resolved when everyone places GOD on the alter over everyone and everything. Maybe the most difficult is to relent and forgive when you didn't deserve what happened to you . It is the only thing that will set you free from the bondage of unforgiveness. Meditate on this phrase that I read in a Christian book a friend told me about:

"He who cannot forgive, burns the bridge that he,
himself, must walk across."

In order to be loved, we must give love.
In order to be forgiven, we must forgive.
In order to have joy, we must be able to give joy.

Remember, Friend, as representatives of Christ, we have to be salt and light to the world. To live in Christ, we must choose to die from this world of darkness.