Yonathan,

Hi there. I'm a pastor. What is happening to you is normal. That may sound strange. But often when we hunger for God, and then the deeper things of God, our old enemy likes to try and distract us with displays of power. Basically he tries to scare you away from pressing on, making you think that you must be going the wrong way because "bad" things are happening, and how can that be if God is good? Well He is good, and you will find that as you press into Him, that even now, He is sustaining you and showing you that, although you were in utter weakness, even the whispered name of Jesus, from a sincere heart, even in the midst of fear, is enough to win! Our God is for you. Very similar things happened to my wife years ago as she was making choices to walk with Jesus in a real way. The enemy would attack her with various forms of sickness when she would get into the Bible or want to seek the lover of her soul (Jesus) more! But soon enough, these displays of darkness took their place and as she pressed into Jesus, even in all her ignorance, these displays of the enemy fell off her like cheap cobwebs.

What I see is that the God you seek is seeking you. Otherwise, you would have no desire to know Him. He put it there. It's all by grace! (Him doing it, not us)

And if He wants you, nothing will be able to come between you and His love!

Rom 8:38 for I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor messengers, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present,
Rom 8:39 nor things about to be, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of god, that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.