My whole life I have always fended for myself. I was raised in a house that didn't even acknowledge my existance, unless I did something wrong. My father constantly verbally and physically abused me. My mother used to lock me in my room for days at a time, she said it was for my own protection, I say it's because she wasn't strong enough to get out. At the age of 9 I went to live in a convent with 62 nuns. I loved them, I can honestly say it's the only time in my life that I remember feeling like i was truly loved. I was there for 3 years. When I left at the age of 12 and went home , I wasn't there very long. My mother found a new love interest at work, and left us. Anywhere was better than being home with my father, so I left too! I lived on the streets for 2 years stealing whatever I needed to survive. I would steal clothes off of peoples clothes lines, food from the store, hygiene products... etc... before I met the man I would end up marrying. I had three children with this man. One at 15, one at 16, and one at 17. 3 Babies being raised by a baby. But I tried my best. After about 3 years of marriage, my husband decided he didn't want the responsibilities of taking care of his family. He refused to work. As a matter of fact he refused to do anything. I was 19 years old, I had no formal education, 3 babies at home, and no matter how hard I tried , I couldn't get a job. I started stealing my childrens clothing, our food, whatever we needed. I got caught one to many times and ended up doing a 1 & 1/2 yrs prison term. I came home and went back to my husband, I had to he had my children. About 6 yrs into my marriage, my husband started beating on me. This went on for another 4 yrs. I woke up one day and said, "this is not going to happen to me" I packed my children up and took my car. We lived in our car for 2 weeks. All of our shelters were full. I went to the grocery stores everyday to steal food for my children. I stole cough medicine, and anything else we needed. I was lost. I prayed everyday, I asked God to help me. I was able to get my own apartment, my own furniture, the kindness of God's chosen really helped me when I needed it. I've been alone with my kids for 6 years now, they are all teenagers now. 15,14,and13. they're great, respectful, kids. They don't remember a lot from back then, Thank God. I put myself through school by myself. After 2 yrs of full time classes, I became a Nurse.
I worked hard and did my best to help teenage girls just like me. I developed over my whole life a deep and loving relationship with God. The Nuns I lived with really did save me, not only did they save me from being abused, but they planted the seed of Life in me. I didn't know it at the time, but as I grew and matured into a woman I understood. 4 months ago I was lifting an elderly patient and ruptured 2 discs in my back. The hospital is fighting my comp. They said it is my fault because I didn't do the lift properly.I literally have days that I have to crawl to the bathroom. Some days are good, I can move about slowly without pain.
I have applied for county help because my rent is overdue by 3 months, my power and phone are about to be shut off, I applied 30 days ago, they told me it could be upwards of three months before a determination is reached. All my life when I get to the point that I can't handle stress in my life, I go and steal what I need. It's all I've ever known. I was ordained as a non-denominational Minister in January. This time it's different. I have to be strong. I have to channel my energy into seeking out God's help. I no longer can use the "excuse" that I didn't know any better. I'm fighting Satan Himself here. I have incredible urges to just take what I need, I can't sleep at night. My kids and I are about to be homeless. I've always been a rock to my children, through God's help. I told Him, Lord I'm out of options. I have to do what I have to do. Please don't be mad at me. Please understand that no one is helping me. I heard Him say in a very clear and loud voice. " your only out of options because you've stopped looking" . "You always have options" " My children will help you, reach out to them". I refuse to lay my head down in shame from Him, I refuse to allow Satan to use my condition to put a distance on my relationship from Him. I refuse to believe as one of His Chosen Children that I really am alone. I have faith. So openly with His presence to guide me, I ask for help. Whether it be prayers, or donations. I pray for help. I reach out to all of my sisters and brothers in Christ. I need your help. The lord said, ask and you shall receive. Well fellow christians , I am asking. Please do not allow Satan to corner me. I need strength to push myself through this test. I need your help, please do not abandon me like so many others in my life.
He who is kind to the poor lends to the lord, and he will reward him for what he has done. Proverbs 19:17

Sincerely
Kienne