Dear Brokenhearted, thanks for your response to my post. I will seriously consider what you had to say. I think that there is some truth to the self esteem issues. I do think that i'm pretty, and I do believe that I am worth while in a relationship, but I also tend to be with people who need help. I believe that this comes from my past hurts, and the fact that I do not want anyone to suffer any hurts. I think that I am somehow making myself feel better, through other helping others, and when the scales tip to me not getting my needs fulfilled this is hurtful to me. (I am so busy making sure that everyone else is taken care of, that other people capitalize on my kindness, and sometimes take advantage of me!)

This is what I believe happened: I gave, and my husband took. Now I am faced with the dilema of is my husband going to be able to even this out, and quit being a taker. I believe that he is a taker, as when he was a child he was not given healthy loving parents. I believe he was loved with conditions of as long as you do this, or that. Also, he has trust issues as a result of the people who should have loved him unconditionally, didn't. Now he beleaves that you are only in love, as long as you are completely happy, and when hard times come, you are not in love anymore. This is what I believe that I am up against! I have told him this, and i'm praying that he will seriously consider what I have told him! I believe he has abandoment, and trust issues!

This is also why he is a taker, as he was forced to fin for himself at a young age, and now he is still in the mode of watching out for himself, and doing for himself. He does a good job of balancing the giving, and taking while things are good. But, in hard times he becomes a taker. I understand all this, and constantly consider this when he does things that hurt me. But, when the scales tip to where he is totally disregarding my feeling, my wants, and my needs, I just can't take it!

I am praying that because I have explained all this to him, that he will begin to seriously take a look at himself. I am praying that, if I bring this to light in the future, that he will be strong enough to dig down deep inside. I pray that he will look at what he is doing, and consider what he has in me, and that this will be enough to make him make the changes. I pray that he considers that i'm a forever person, and someone he can trust. I pray that this will win over his past, and his unhealthiness!!! I just need to be loved, and not just when, things are good for him! I pray that i'm able to find a delicate balance of getting my needs met, without pushing his buttons. I pray that I be able to learn how to quit giving unhealthily to others! I pray that I will be ab;e to free myself from my past hurts so that I do not continue to be unhealthey. I pray that I will be able to completely forgive, and that all the hurts will be kept in the past where they belong. Keep praying for us!!!Thanks!!! Sincerely, kweig!