I WROTE THE FOLLOWING PRAYER EARLIER TODAY! I CONSIDERED WHETHER TO DELETE IT, AS I DO NOT FEEL THIS WAY NOW. SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO AIR MY HURTS, WITHOUT SAYING IT TO MY HUSBAND. IT HELPS TO GET THINGS OFF OF MY CHEST! I WANT TO LET THIS GO, AND SOMETIMES JUST EXPRESSING IT TO YOUR FRIENDS, HELPS TO DO THIS. I HOPE EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS. THANKS FOR BEING AN EAR. I AM BLESSED TO HAVE FRIENDS LIKE YOU! SINCERELY, KWEIG!!!


Thanks so much for your prayers, and thoughts Brokenheart. I have been thinking about moving to be with my husband. I thought... What if he just continues being insensitive? What if I cannot keep my mouth shut, and give Tom time to feel guilty for his actions, or words? This is so hard to do, as there is hurt, and pain behind all this. I know that I forgive him for the past, as I know that I do not care that it has happened before. I just don't want it to happen in the future.

The first time he left, we were apart for 1 yr. I was going on with my life, and then he came back. He apologized, and I did not hold it against him. The second time we were married, and he did come back, as I told him that I would only wait until a certain date, and then I was going on with my life. Because he came back under pressure, he was not ready to put it all in, and go from there. He was giving me signs that it was not a forever thing, that he was just seeing if he wanted me, or not. When he left this time, I was again beginning to move on with my life. He called me, and asked to see me. Once again, here I go.

If he does not want to be with me forever, why does he keep coming back? I think it is because he knows that i'm a forever person, and he does not have to worry about where he stands with me!!! He told me that he came back because it was very difficult to meet someone who you could trust, and trust deeply!!! If this is true, that it is important for him to have this trust, then why can't he make me feel insecure in our relationship, and stop threateng to leave, just because he is not getting his way? Why did he not consider the pain he was causing me when he's tearing me up, and he did this by throwing up signs that he was not "all in" this relationship. *When I make decisions about how i'm interacting with people, one of the things I consider is, how would I feel if this, or that was happening to me? Why does he not do this? Why does not everyone ask themselves, how is what i'm doing going to affect the other person?

In the present, I do believe that Tom is truly trying, and wants to be with me. I do believe, that in his mind, he intends to make it work. Having said that... I also believe that he is an unhealthy person within himself, and that he cannot (or at least has not) been able to control himself, and has been outright mean, in the past. A preacher once preached this sermon. He said that when he was 1st married, he was unhealthy, and had deliberately chosen someone he could severely control. He said that his wife was was weak in spirit, and unhealthy in the way that she picked someone who controled her. (She was not strong enough to stand up to her husband.) As time went on she became more healthy, and begin to lovingly try to get him to change this. He said that he eventially came to a "Y" in the road, and had to decide: #1 Do I want to continue hurting her, and controling her? #2 Do I want to change, and quit controling her? #3 Or, do I want to leave, and find someone else to control? I really pray that Tom has reached this "y", and is ready to start doing the work that he needs to on himself! I do not expect him to be perfect, and do everything right. I just need to see improvements along the way, and a willingness to quit disregarding my feelings! I need him to quit controling me.

The question that I would like the answer to is: When we get back together, is Tom ever going to be able to strive to get healthier as a person, or am I always going to be doing all the work in the marriage, and making all the compromises so that he won't leave? Am I going to have to do this so that he's, what he considers happy? He has in the past told me that I want things to be my way, and I said that I didn't. I had told him that if we were to do the thing exactly like I wanted it, this in itself would not make me happy, as if he was not happy with the decision, then I would not be happy because of that!!! I told him that I just wanted him to compromise so that both of us were happy!!! I have lovingly tried to gingerly get him to compromise.

Dear Heartbroken, If I remember right, your a guy, is there something that I need to know that i'm just not getting, because men, and women think differently? Am I doing something wrong that I don't see? I know that sometimes I do tell him when he's hurting me, and maybe I don't give him time enough to make any changes, as he has told me so! This all comes from the hurt, and the fear that things will go south, as in the past!!!

Anyways, please everyone just keep me in your prayers. I really hope that our marriage works, as I do love Tom. I just don't want to get hurt again, and be made out to look like a fool!!! Pray that Tom is serious, and is going to get healthy, and makes good choices!!! Pray that I will be given the patience to deal with the situations that arise, and if I'm at fault, that the Lord brings this to light!!!